I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
