You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
