I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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