the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
