Buhtt sex?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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