His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
