So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My life is pants optional.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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