when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
