Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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