I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
