Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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