You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
