the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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