i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
