jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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