I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
