Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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