im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
