Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
