He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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