is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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