I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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