Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
