i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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