I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
