you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
