She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
