You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
