I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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