Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
