he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
