Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
