I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think brook has ever known best
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
