yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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