his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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