i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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