Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
