all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
