i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
