Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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