My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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