Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
