I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
