1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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