Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
