my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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