something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
