I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
