Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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