I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
